I am at that point.  The point at which there is so much going on around me AND inside of me that I can’t even process it.  To say this point is stressful seems like an understatement.  Saying I’m just making it through each day seems like an overstatement.  I guess I’m somewhere in between.  

So, what’s the big deal?  Bryan and I are still trying to figure out what’s next for us.  This aspect of moving back to America has been by far the most difficult in my opinion.  Bryan has been talking with a career counselor often and she’s given him some assessments to do.  She also recommended that he ask friends and family what they think he would be good at in the secular arena.  Here’s your opportunity to tell us what you think! (Please leave a comment.)  After I get a few replies, I’ll share with you his assessment’s suggestions.  I wonder if they will match up.

We are in our third week of homeschool.  Isaac and Graham have adjusted well to having BOTH of their parents as teachers.  Bryan is teaching Math and I’m working with the boys on everything else.  Owen is attending preschool three days a week.  In my opinion, he’s had the biggest adjustment of all.  After his first day, he informed me that he wasn’t going back.  He’s bravely made new friends and faced homesickness.  I’m proud of him.  

This is what Owen does while we are doing school.

Graham hard at work.

Isaac loves math!

Bryan and Isaac discussion quadratic equations...Not!

We have Internet!!!

That means so many things, doesn’t it?  I can get directions, recipes and medical information.  I can shop, register my kids for sports and call my friends in Togo over skype.  I can check facebook, look up phone numbers and simply surf.  The hubby can check sports scores.  The kids can visit their favorite sites.

Best of all, I can blog anytime I want.

We are officially no longer homeless!  We moved into our duplex in Dallas on Saturday. (Thanks to Mark, Michael, Farland, Brad, Robert, Darla and Holly.)  Our family is slowly getting back into a routine.  We sat down to dinner as a family for the first time in about 5 months last night!  I questioned the boys on how they were feeling about being in our own place, etc.  Their responses were resoundingly positive!  So, if you don’t have your own space for your family to live…I highly recommend it. :) 

On Sunday, our home congregation- Preston Road Church of Christ- gave us a wonderful reception.  We were showered with gifts to replace much of our home furnishings that we left behind in Togo.  It was very special to be welcomed “home” by such a loving group of believers.  Since Sunday, I’ve been doing major shopping!  I got a lot of strange looks and questions as I rolled through the grocery store with nearly every spice on the shelf.  I make it a point to share with the cashiers and anyone who shows interest how we’ve come to be blessed.  A clerk at Target even wants me to come back and share my pictures.

We are still asking for your prayers as we decide what the next step is for our future.  This has been by far the most stressful and faith stretching part of the journey home.  We are discussing different options, but I am feeling impatient these days.  I’m ready to be settled already!!!  Of course, I’ve known all along that these things take time, but it’s still really hard to wait.  I know many of you can relate.

We will have Internet installed in our home next week, hopefully.  So, at that point I hope that I can be more regular about blogging.  Although, I think I’ve done a pretty good job considering that I’ve been homeless, traveling and generally out-of-sorts for awhile now.

I’ve been thinking about relationships today.  I am apart from my immediate family - they are in Washington and I’m in Dallas.  I’m several hours away from my sisters, brother and other family members.  My stateside friends are scattered all over the continent.  I am oceans away from Togo and my friends there.  I am very much alone, yet I feel connected.  I wonder, “What makes the connection?”

My family has been blessed by our connections to friends and family over the past few months!  They have housed, fed and listened to us and even given large sums of cash.  We have had acts of kindness thrown our way over and over again. 

What causes a person to show another kindness?  A sense of responsibility?  Love?  Guilt?  Or more to the point what has caused these people to show me kindness?  An obvious answer, I think, is their connection to the Lord.  Jesus has blessed them and they in turn bless others or something along those lines.  I’m sure there are other motivations too, but I don’t want to go into that right now.

I am simply thankful and amazed at the richness of my life because of the people in my life.  I’m not exactly sure how connections are made and relationships are formed.  However, I believe some of the ingredients for friendship are genuine interest in the other person’s life, shared experiences, honesty, similar values, and respect. (Having fun together doesn’t hurt either!)  

Those are some of my thoughts today.  If you are a friend, I probably thought of you!  It was a pleasant, encouraging and prayerful thought.   I’d love to hear your thoughts on relationships and how they are formed and how they sustain you day to day.

This is my fourth attempt at writing this post.  My thoughts are unorganized and I am very emotional these days.  So, get ready for a stream of consciousnesss…

I found a place in Dallas today for our family to move into next week.  It’s a three bedroom duplex.  Small -yet liveable for the short-term.  While this is a huge burden lifted, I am feeling a little bit unsure of the decision.  Mostly because I made it by myself…Bryan and the boys are still in Washington. B and I talked repeatedly over the phone, but I was the one actually there.

I don’t feel overwhelmed by all of the newness of being a grown-up in America it’s just a very strange sensation.  I’ve decided to treat this move like I (eventually) treated the move to Africa…it’s okay to feel stupid and ask a lot of questions.  Yes, I get a lot of weird looks. (You don’t know what Netflix is AND you don’t text?)

I’m also not sure how to act socially when I meet new people.  Most of the new people that I met in Togo (that weren’t Africans) were other missionaries or interns or visiting teachers who were interested in Africa and my life.  I kinda like that I can make friends outside of those circles (even though those circles are really great!)  But, now that I’m here to stay I feel cautious about entering into new relationships.  What if they turn out to be child molesters?  Or super needy friends who don’t “get” me?  See, I told you my thoughts were all over the place. 

I’m also way overloaded on celebrity news, but sadly-it’s addicting.  I was in the grocery store today and over the speaker system came news about JLo and Marc and how she’s getting into shape after the twins….blah, blah, blah.  Seriously, I’ve got enough on my mind trying to make healthy food choices while Oreos stare me down.  I don’t need to hear about how a gorgeous multi-millionaire with a personal trainer is entering a triathalon for a children’s charity.

Anyway, I’m ready to settle down somewhere.  I’m feeling desperate and calm at the same time.  Yes, it’s possible. The summer travels are over.  Yeah! I thought I’d never be able to type that.  But, we are still unsure of where the next chapter of our lives will be.  We have just started to look seriously for a job.  Bryan has sent resumes to a few churches, but we haven’t heard much back.  We are talking with a missions organization about working with them, but nothing is certain.  I mean NOTHING!!  The counselor at the Colorado retreat asked Bryan what was certain in his life.  Bryan answered, “I love Jesus and my family.” That’s about as basic as one can get without losing it all completely, right?  So, I’m trying to hang on and continue to trust God about our future.  (That’s where the calm part comes in.) 

Visiting our families was a mixed bag of feelings too.  It was SO good to spend time with family.  Lots and lots of new, fun and special memories were made.  On the other hand, a lot has happened in our parents’ lives during our time in Togo.  Divorces…new marriages…girlfriends.   All of those changes feel different somehow now that we are living stateside.  Where will we spend Christmas?  That kind of stuff and deeper stuff that I won’t get into on my blog.

Oh, and the BIG issue…pun intended.  I’ve gained weight.  Approximately ten pounds.  That might not sound like a lot, but it feels like a lot.  I hate it when I don’t feel good in my own body - even when I sit up straight I have rolls!  Of course exercising has been difficult on the road.  Bryan has been a champ and jogged regularly, but I don’t feel safe doing that in unfamiliar places.  Or at least that’s my excuse.  It’s also hard to eat well when you are at other people’s mercy for meals.  All that aside, I still chose to eat ice cream and other naughty treats regularly.  I truly have only myself to blame.  So, without becoming diet obsessed or a self-hater I’m trying to get back on track this week.

Last but not least, I am missing my granny like crazy. I long for her kind and encouraging words.  I’ve cried more in the past two months than I have in the past two years.  Please keep my family and especially my grandfather in your prayers.

So, that’s how I’m doing for the moment.  I’d LOVE to hear what’s going on with you.  I know I’m not the only yo-yo out there.

Mt. St. Helen

Mt. St. Helen

Bellingham Bay

Bellingham Bay

Birchwood Park - Bellingham, WA

My nephew Jayson

Owen

Bryan and our niece Izzy

My newest nephew, Dylan Michael

Cousins - Owen, Aiden, Isaac, Emma & Graham

The fun continues!  We are still in Washington enjoying our little cabin in the woods.  We drive in each day to Ben and Jen’s house to hang out with the family.  The boys are really loving their time with their cousins-as you can see from the pictures.  The next time I write I’ll share a little more from the heart.  So, stay tuned!

…and still going strong!  Bryan and I celebrated 12 years of marriage on August 2nd.  Bryan’s mom watched the boys and we took the day to explore Portland.  We visited the International Rose Test Garden, the Japanese Gardens, took in a movie and ate dinner at the Portland City Grill located on the 30th floor of the US Bank building downtown.  It was amazing to just be together and to enjoy a day free of kids!  We could actually hold hands and share a hug without a munchkin sneaking in the middle of us.  (However, by the end of the day I was missing them!)  I am blessed to have Bryan as my husband!

My oldest son turned 10 years old on July 24th!  Due to our current crazy, nomadic life-stlye we celebrated this milestone in a sporadic fashion. Aunt Jenny made him a cake a couple of weeks early.   We had cupcakes with friends at a water park the week of his birthday.  Bryan and I gave him his gift a few days after the actual day.  Hopefully, next year will be a little more predictable.

Ten things I love about Isaac…

1. His honesty.

2. His imagination.

3. His smile.

4. The way he falls asleep immediately at night and can sleep through anything.

5. His zany sense of humor.

6. His quirky spit sounds.

7. The way he sings out during church.

8. They way he gives me a good-night kiss and hug.

9.  They way he talks.

10.  Just about everything else…

Recently, he said something to me and I responded, “Aw, Isaac, you’re SO cute!”  He informed me in a kind but firm way, “Mom, I’d rather you say that that I’m handsome and brave.”  So, I guess the “cute” days are officially over!

Here’s my handsome, brave young man.