The Long Good-bye, Part 11

I told you that these posts would be more frequent.

Today, was our first serious packing day! My stress-level has gone down significantly. I guess there’s nothing like actually doing the thing that is causing the tension to build-up. So, now our home has turned the corner from being normal to crazy chaos. There are trunks full of stuff to sell on the porch. There are empty trucks inside waiting to be meticulously packed (by Bryan mostly, he’s the KING of packing). Our living room is the gathering area for our State-bound items. Owen nearly drove me insane today asking if the Resurrection Eggs were going to America. “Mommy? We takin’ the eggs?” “Yes, Owen. The eggs are going with us to America.” Imagine that conversation times a million.

Why are we packing now when we aren’t leaving until May? Well, we have this brilliant plan to have our PRCC visitors take back up to 12 trunks for us at the end of their trip. They leave on March 18th! Only a few week from now. Our goal is take only 4 trunks with us as we leave Togo. We are stopping by Switzerland to visit Bryan’s brother, Andy and his wife, Yannick and children on our way “home”. Our home is going to be very bare during April.

Even though packing consumed most of my day I managed to sneak in some Internet time to check out the Oscar fashions. I think my favorites were Jennifer Garner’s black dress and Cate Blanchett’s fabulous purple dress. I only wish I looked that great pregnant! What were your favorites?

The Long Good-bye, Part 10

When I decided to blog about our departure from the mission field I wanted to give my readers an honest and personal look at what a person might go through during a major transition like this.  I am a strong believer in sharing my life journey with others in hopes that God will the glorified.  I also wanted to have a place to process and record my thoughts for my benefit.  However, now that our departure date is drawing near I find that my thoughts are piling up in my mind and my emotions are becoming increasingly jumbled.  I am finding it hard to stay true to my initial purposes in blogging.  (Mostly the honesty part.) After praying through this dilemma over the past few days I feel confirmed in plowing ahead with this little blogging series - ugly stuff included.  So, consider yourself forewarned.

I’m tired of Togo.  I am ready to see my family.  I am ready to meet my new niece and nephews.  I am really sad about leaving our family pet, Charger.  I feel anxious about getting rid of all of our stuff.  I am tired of our stuff.  I am tired of dirt.  I want to talk, talk, talk about leaving.  I want to be left alone.  I want to leave for the US tomorrow and have this difficult process behind me.  I want to announce at our next team devo that we really aren’t leaving Togo after all.  I am excited about the possibility of taking art classes this fall.  I am scared to death that I’ll hate it.  I am eager for my children to make friends in the States.  I am concerned about the American pace of life.  I am thinking a lot about what Bryan and I will do for a living. (He’s thinking about it even more than I am!) I am hoping that I won’t have to work next year so that Owen and I can spend one final year together at home before he starts kindergarten.  I’m tired of Togo.

The Long Good-bye, Part 9

One hundred days until our departure from Togo. One hundred days. In some ways that sounds like a lot, but I know better. I know they will fly past - full of activity and emotions.

On Monday, our teammates watched our boys (all-day!) in order for Bryan and I to sit down and have a nice long discussion and planning session concerning our move. First off, we brainstormed all that we needed to talk about. Then, we set about systematically talking about them. (Very business-like don’t you think?) Next, we began to tackle the high priority items on our lists. Right now those are determining what items to sell, give-away, or take to the US and then pricing them, etc. Not fun “to-dos” to my way of thinking. I am very tempted to just set everything out on the road and not think of it again knowing that my neighbors will put it all to good use. (Can you tell I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed?)

I just read over the other posts in The Long Good-bye series and I noticed that I haven’t given many details on exactly what we will be doing in America or where we will be living up to this point. There’s a reason for the silence, we haven’t known until recently what the answers are and the answers are still incomplete! I’ll share what I do know. We are planning to live in Dallas until the end of the year. We will worship with Preston Road CofC, our sponsoring congregation, and share with them our experiences in Togo. After that, we aren’t sure where God is leading our family. We have some ideas and dreams, but nothing has become concrete yet. Please keep these plans in your prayers. Blessings to you!

The Long Good-bye, Part 8

This past weekend our team welcomed new teammates to Kara! It’s always a thrill and an affirmation when God brings more dedicated servants to work in his kingdom. However, Mark, Nicole, Maddie (9) and Michal (7) Kennell are extra special as they were on the original team that settled in Togo in 2000. They left two years later because of personal struggles. During the past 5 years, God has worked his healing power in their lives.  Mark and Nicole were settled into American life as teachers and active church members.  Then, God once again placed on their hearts the desire to serve as missionaries. It’s is sign of his desire for reconciliation that the Kennell family has rejoined the Kabiye Team. I am personally in awe of God’s great plan coupled with his attention to details after listening to Mark and Nicole share what they’ve been through and how he has loved them through the years. Everyone else on the team also shared how God has been working in their lives. My heart is full today thinking of how he has created us each uniquely to bring him glory!

The retreat was also an emotional time for Bryan and me. It was one of the last times we will all sit around and share our hearts. I am reminded of what a blessing it is to be a part of a community that values each other and seeks to glorify God.

The stress levels have started to rise as we realize how much we still need to do before we go and how little we know about the future. Thankfully, God is already there!

The Long Good-bye, Part 7

My grandmother sent us a Christmas package which we received this past week.  On top of the usual goodies and wrapped gifts, she included a Consumer Reports magazine…the ‘08 Auto Issue.  What a timely arrival!

“What vehicle(s) we are going to buy in America” has been the hot topic around our house.  At first, the possibilities were endless.  But, soon the practical realities of what our family needs vs. what we can afford started to sink in.  It started to look like a minivan might be our destiny after all until Bryan discovered a SUV hybrid within our price range.  Although, most of our dreaming is just that…dreaming.  We will have to wait until we are stateside next year to really go shopping.  But, it doesn’t hurt to do our homework, right?

Bryan and I got a kick out of reading the magazine descriptions of the vehicles after living in Togo for the past 7 years.  (Our truck has served us well, but it has taken repeated beating on the roads here. I hope it survives until next May!)  When one article compared two minivans by how fun they are drive I couldn’t help but laugh.  Anything will be “fun” to drive after living here!  Or how about seat warmers?  Never would need those in Togo.  DVD systems?  Our kids have made the 9 hour trip to Accra many times without one.  Personalized climate control zones?  I’m just happy when the AC works well enough to reach the back.  The number of cup holders is apparently very important.

The not so funny thing is that the more I read I started to think, “Yeah, I need that too!”  Aaah.. the lure of luxury and the siren song of comfort.  May I resist well.

The Long Good-bye, Part 6

I have been trying to find a cohesive way to write about what I’ve been thinking and feeling for the past couple of weeks. It’s been difficult. Having the Neal family visit was a huge blessing. As they talked about their readjustment to life in the US, my thoughts turned to our own transition. The one word that does keep popping up is LOSS…but that’s only a part of the story. But, it’s a good place to start.

Loss produces grief. I’ve learned over the years that you can feel loss and grief over just about anything. In my life, when I feel loss there’s a part of my brain that goes back to the biggest loss I have experienced to this point- the death of my mom. So, not only have I been thinking about what losses I will suffer upon leaving Togo, but about losing my mom. I am trying to be proactive about dealing with this grief. (In times past, I’ve just stuffed those emotions. Telling myself, “That’s not the issue right now!”) I drew a symbolic picture of how I felt as a little girl when my mom died. It took me all Saturday afternoon to do it. The boys kept interrupting me and asking “What’s that?” It was emotional for me to share with them what I was thinking, but they were very encouraging in their comments.

Now, about Togo….I printed off a calendar for each remaining month in Togo. (There are only 7 left!) I am going to post them on the walls of the family room to give the kids (and Bryan and I) a visual reminder of how much time we have left. I also printed off two sheets with the headings….What I will miss about Togo…..What I am looking forward to in America. My idea is to have family members jot down thoughts as they come to mind over the next few months.

So, what am I going to miss? Of course, this list is only the beginning and at first glance someone might say, “Yeah, but you can do that in the US too.” Maybe something comparable, but it won’t have the same Togo flavor!

• teammates
• teaching
• my house
• my yard
• the mountains
• the exotic flowers
• spicy local food
• Abla
• beach vacations
• waterfalls
• butterflies
• singing with my teammates

Isaac and Graham just walked up and noticed what I was doing and they wanted to make a list too.

Isaac

• goats
• chasing chickens
• bike riding
• the city
• African friends
• mountain hikes

Graham

• riding bikes
• going to school
• friends
• hiking

The Long Good-bye, Part 5

Tension and transition.

I am learning to allow God to grow in me thankfulness and trust.

Bryan leaves next week to travel to the US for a two week stay. (This will be the longest stretch of alone time with the kids for me - ever!!) His main purpose in making this trip is to attend the Together for Togo conference that will be held in Dallas, TX- hosted by our sponsoring church Preston Road. It will be a great time to share what God has been doing in Togo through the Christians here. He will also reconnect with friends, former/future missionaries, supporters and his mom!

The other reason that he’s going back is to feel out job situations. (Yikes! I admit I’m nervous about this one, but not in a scared way just an excited, hoping for the best way.) We’ve got some ideas for ministry floating through our minds, but no one thing has stood out above the others. I am hoping that this trip will help Bryan to decide what he’d like to pursue.

Please pray with me for Bryan’s upcoming trip.

• For safety in travels.
• For effectiveness in communicating all that God has done and is doing through the Christians in Togo and in his life.
• For fun and meaningful times with loved ones.
• That he will be able to meet with mentors and that they will give him godly advice on his career.
• That Bryan will stay strong in the Lord and keep his eyes open to what God wants to teach/show him!

The Long Good-bye, Part 4

These days I am feeling torn.  Torn between my life here in Togo and my future life in America.  What’s hit the hardest lately is the demands of team life…investing in people, giving grace to people, etc.  It’s hard to stay 100% committed to nurturing these relationships when I know that I’m leaving in 10 months.

If you’ve never lived on a missions team then you may be wondering what the big deal is.  Well, let me shed some light on the subject…..There are three other families on our team which means 3 other women with whom I share life with on a deep level daily.  While living in this situation you get to know each other really well…the good, bad and the ugly.  All aspects of our lives touch from which curriculum to purchase for our school to needing to borrow someone’s truck.  It seems like you can’t sneeze without a teammate noticing.  Now, please don’t hear me saying that team life stinks.  At the end of the day, the positives greatly outweigh the negatives.  However, I have found myself thinking after a tense interaction, “You know, I am ready to move on.”  While this sort of thinking is probably entirely normal, it isn’t good for me!!!!  I need to find some way to stay engaged and separate at the same time.  Boy, it’s hard to find the balance.  If you’ve been through this and have any advice to share…I’m all ears.

The Long Good-bye, Part 3

I’ve been thinking a lot about reentry this week….the awkward hello. It’s going to be a challenge reintroducing myself to America and visa versa. The last time I really lived in the US, I was a college student. After Bryan returned from Uganda, we spent our dating days going to missions meetings looking for other like-minded couples who wanted to return to the mission field. We joined a team headed to Togo before we were even married. Everything we’ve done as a couple and family has been missions oriented. Another way to put it…it’s our identity. We’re missionaries.

I realize I don’t have to stop being a missionary once I stop living in Togo. In fact, I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to. Telling others about Jesus and his amazing, redeeming love is part of who I am. But, living a missions lifestyle will be different in many ways. I will be operating in a different culture than an African one. The rules will change. That’s what I’ve been thinking about how the rules will change and how I’ll fit into this new system.

During my time in Togo, I’ve grown up spiritually. When I arrived, I knew a lot more about religion than about discipleship. The experiences, people, and culture have shaped me into the Christian I am today. I’ve become more open-minded about the kingdom of God and who is a member. I’ve become more convinced of God’s abounding grace towards me and others. I’ve become a hard-core believer that Satan absolutely hates those who follow Jesus and will stop at nothing to destroy them. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is incredibly BIGGER and awesomely more POWERFUL than anything Satan can throw at his people. I am convicted that God through the power of the gospel is transforming lives for his glorious purposes!

I don’t want to just melt back into a type of American Christianity where going to church is merely a social event. I want to be a part of a body of believers that are being transformed by a devoted life to Jesus. I want to be able to say, “I don’t understand. ” or “I’ve sinned and I need help.” Bottom line, I’m afraid that I will be told by some to sit down and shut up. Rejected. It’s not like I’m a crusader, I won’t set out to change people’s minds or correct all of the “failings” of the American church. I just think being myself, speaking my mind, sharing my faith will lead to this. God is being good to me though, as I think through these potential challenges. He is reminding me of scriptures that are giving me confidence and humility at the same time! Only our great God can do that! Honestly, I am eager to worship and work together again with my American brothers and sisters. I’m just not going to play church.

The Long Good-bye, Part 2

The Ries family will be reentering American life in May 2008! Making this decision official has caused another round of intense emotions for me. It’s exciting to think about the possibilities of a new ministry, new home, new fill-in-the-blank. More than anything else, I am thrilled with the idea of living on the same continent as my extended family!

After seven years, there are a multitude of things I’ll miss about Togo. (I never thought I’d be able to say that!!) As we enter into our final year, every event will be the “last” one. Last W.A.M.R., last internship, last trip to Lome, last girls’ night out, last prayer time, and the list goes on. It’s my heart’s desire to cherish every “last” one.

I blogged a few days ago about VGAP, the Vaughn’s good-bye party. It was a great time, but I kept thinking during those few days, “We’re next.” and “Can’t we just skip this part?” I know it wouldn’t be fair to us or anyone else to skip good-byes, but the idea is appealing to the part of me that wants to avoid pain. I can already see that it will be a challenge to stay engaged in Togo as we plan our move.

I’ve started to read articles and books on reentry. Major life transition just starts to explain the changes that take place. One article I read today compared returning missionaries to flood victims! Yikes! Missionaries, especially ones that have lived on the field for awhile, literally have to start all over when they move back to the US. Lots to prepare for, but even more important, lots to pray for!!!