Colorado - DAR

I am in Colorado with the family at DAR….Debriefing And Renewal retreat for missionaries.  Let me be honest… I did not want to come this week!!  We have been traveling non-stop and I just haven’t had the time to prepare myself for talking on a deep level about our re-entry into American life.  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit has been working on my heart and I feel good about being here now.

It’s been refreshing to be with other missionary women and share what our journey has been about.  They really “get it” - the paradoxes of missionary life.  For example, I think Togo is dirty, smelly and uncomfortable, but I love the way the people are hospitable and welcoming.  It’s your classic love/hate relationship.  

I am also exploring how to deal with the ways I’ve changed during our time in Togo.  Especially in the areas of spirituality.  I have a broader view of how God is working in the world.  I wonder how my new understandings will translate into a conservative church setting.

The main reason we chose to come to this retreat was for our boys. They have an amazing program for MKs!! Today, Isaac shared through pictures and words all about his life in Togo.  He relished the opportunity to share.  Graham’s turn will be Thursday.  The boys are also learning about expectations, feelings and culture. They have already made fast friends with the other MKs here.  (But there’s still NOT a boy Isaac’s age!!)  I am looking forward to Wednesday when I hear observations from the teachers about the boys.

I’ll check in later….Blessings

Rejoice!

Rejoice with us and the angels in heaven at the spiritual birth of Isaac!  Today, we walked down to the Kara River along with our teammates and special Kabiye friends to witness Isaac’s baptism.  Isaac has loved Jesus since a very young child, but today he decided to publicly declare that he wants follow Jesus all of his days.  Isaac is a young man of integrity and honesty.  He loves nature and learning the details about everything.  I feel confident that God will use these strong traits to his glory in the years to come.  Knowing God he’ll find some “hidden” qualities to bring out too.  I am eager to watch Isaac’s faith continue to develop.  Please pray for him as he begins this journey of faith at a deeper level.  We are so proud!

Reflections on Togo, Part 2

1998- This year brings lots of big changes to our family. Some of the highlights include: we apply to Preston Road Church of Christ in hopes that we will be hired on as missionaries. They have an enormous application! This is the first step in a long and rewarding relationship with this body of believers. After a face to face interview in Dallas we are hired!

I quit teaching at the end of the ‘97/’98 school year in order to stay home with my new baby. John Isaac finally makes his arrival in July! This is a major transition for our family. I never knew how tired I could be until I cared for a newborn! I also go through my first bout of depression after his birth.

My sister, Jenny, gets married two weeks after Isaac is born. She lives in Jackson, TN which is near Memphis. We are able to visit each other often.

1999- Bryan graduates with his M.A. in Missions from HUGSR in May. We move to Dallas, TX to “bond” with our sponsoring church. I feel overwhelmed at the love and support that PRCC lavishes upon us! I think to myself often during these months, “But, we haven’t done anything yet!” Nevertheless, it feels good that church members want to know us and learn about our future work in Togo.

During the summer, I discover that I am (unexpectedly) pregnant again! (I know! You can insert wisecracks here…) This time I literally have a panic attack when the reality sinks in that my time of language learning in France won’t be going according to my plan, ie: actually learning French! Bryan and I are faced with the decision of where to have the baby. Do we stay in the US and go to language school behind our teammates? Or do we go ahead with the schedule and leave for language school in January? We decide to leave in January as originally planned. I attend class for six weeks before Graham Terrell is born. He is born on a beautiful snowy day in March. Oops…I’m starting the next year!

2000- We left the States on January 10th. I think this date will always stand out in my mind as the day that everything changed. PRCC and our families give us a wonderful, tearful send-off at the airport.

As I mentioned above, we were in Albertville, France attending language school. Looking back, I’d say this is when the “hardest season of my life thus far!!!” began. My parents are having serious marital issues. I feel isolated being so far away from my family during this difficult time. I also feel isolated because I’m unable to learn French like the rest of my team due to having a newborn. Then, there’s all of the other stuff that comes with leaving one’s home culture.

My parents and siblings are able to visit us during our time in France. It is uplifting to visit with them.

In August, we move to Togo!!! This is a surreal experience for me. It’s what we’ve talked and dreamed about for a long time and now we’re living it. It feels very strange. We find a home and begin to unpack our many, many boxes.

Around November, Graham has a seizure while I’m chatting on the phone with a friend. I hang up immediately and rush to his side. By the time I reach him he’s stopped seizing and smiles up at me. This is the start of a long, confusing and stressful process of trying to figure out what’s going on with our sweet baby.

More later….

Reflections on Togo, Part 1

I’ve started a new series! Or more accurately a spin-off of the Long Good-bye series. In TV land spin-offs usually don’t do as well as the original. I hope in blog land it’s different. (At least I’m not making any money off this thing!)

So, why am I reflecting on this season in my life? Because the books told me to do it. I’ve been reading about reentry and the authors unanimously suggest reflecting on your mission field experience before you leave the field. (Like I don’t have enough to do already!?) I’ve bought into the idea obviously because I want the end result- a nicely finished chapter entitled “Togo Missions” and a new chapter entitled “?”- umm, it’s actually untitled at this point. Anyway, these experts stress the importance of reflecting on the highs and lows. May God be glorified in all that he’s carried me through!

I’ve decided to break it down into sections by years. Let’s go way back….

Fall 1995/Spring 1996 - Bryan and I are engaged and meeting with other missions minded couples at Harding University in hopes of forming a team to go somewhere in Africa. This is an exciting and idealistic time in my life. I have the desire to do something “BIG” for God with the guy I’m head over heals in love with. Emotions can’t get any headier than that. Oh, and I graduate with a B.A. in Elementary Education.

Summer/Fall 1996 - Immediately following graduation, I head off to Uganda to follow in Bryan’s footsteps by experiencing my own missionary internship. I am shaken to the core and humbled by the extreme poverty contrasted with immense joy in the local Christians. Through this month long internship I am constantly wondering if I have what it takes to be a real missionary. (This of course causes me great stress!) However, I now “get” why he wants to be a missionary.

Bryan and I are married on August 2nd! We tie the knot in San Diego but move to Memphis, TN right away. Bryan begins to work toward his M.A. in Missions at HUGSR and I’m a 3rd grade teacher. We attend the Holmes Road Church of Christ and Bryan serves as their part-time youth minister.

1997- Life continues as above…school, teaching, ministry. Now, add into the mix team formation as other team couples begin to move to Memphis. We are four families at this point: Matt & Andrea Miller, David & Becky Reeves, Mark & Nicole Kennell and us. Mentors such as Monte Cox, Gordon Hogan, Evertt Huffard, Mark Berryman and Tom Moore guide us through personality tests and other spiritual formation exercises. This is probably the first season in which I start thinking that this whole team thing is going to be really hard!

Summer takes me back to Africa this time West Africa. Bryan stays back in the States due to job responsibilities. I travel with the rest of the team to Togo and Burkina Faso to survey possible places to live and work. This separation from Bryan was especially difficult. I remember lots of tears.

In October we discover that we are pregnant with our first child. It’s not hard to describe the emotions I felt: disbelief, surprise, shock, scared…really scared to be a mom. (Can you tell this was unexpected?) I continue teaching as my belly grows bigger by the day. With this pregnancy I realize that my life plan isn’t going according to my life plan. The plan was to wait until we lived Africa for a least two years and then have children. This is an important object lesson from God- hard at first to accept, but the sweet baby at the end of nine months was a blessing.

Okay, that’s enough reflecting for one post. More to come later.

Listen, if you’ve read this much why not go ahead and leave me a comment? I’d love to hear from you!

The Long Good-bye, Part 8

This past weekend our team welcomed new teammates to Kara! It’s always a thrill and an affirmation when God brings more dedicated servants to work in his kingdom. However, Mark, Nicole, Maddie (9) and Michal (7) Kennell are extra special as they were on the original team that settled in Togo in 2000. They left two years later because of personal struggles. During the past 5 years, God has worked his healing power in their lives.  Mark and Nicole were settled into American life as teachers and active church members.  Then, God once again placed on their hearts the desire to serve as missionaries. It’s is sign of his desire for reconciliation that the Kennell family has rejoined the Kabiye Team. I am personally in awe of God’s great plan coupled with his attention to details after listening to Mark and Nicole share what they’ve been through and how he has loved them through the years. Everyone else on the team also shared how God has been working in their lives. My heart is full today thinking of how he has created us each uniquely to bring him glory!

The retreat was also an emotional time for Bryan and me. It was one of the last times we will all sit around and share our hearts. I am reminded of what a blessing it is to be a part of a community that values each other and seeks to glorify God.

The stress levels have started to rise as we realize how much we still need to do before we go and how little we know about the future. Thankfully, God is already there!

The Influencers

My buddy, Becky Reeves, tagged me to list my mentors and older-than-me friends (minus parents) that have influenced me positively over the years. I don’t always do these tag things, but in this case, I think it’s worthwhile to think about the ways special people have aided me on my walk through life. I’ve put an asterisk by the ones that I have never met, yet influenced me through their words- either through speeches or books. The others have been a part of my life in person at some point. Some of them only for a brief season. Some of them I still converse with often. Some of them might not even know the impact they have had on me. In no particular order…

1. Jesus
2. C.S. Lewis
3. Ruth Dickey
4. Tom Moore
5. Suzanne Sager
6. Darla Sanderson
7. Gretchen Mahoney
8. Carol Kell
9. Nita Cochran
10. Ross Cochran
11. Beth Cox
12. Monte Cox
13. Mark Berryman
14. Sandy Berryman
15. Karen Alexander
16. Suzi Jeffreys
17. Jeanene Reese
18. Becky East
19. Mrs. Knox
20. Mrs. Weise
21. Coach Renee
22. Martha Johnson
23. Kay Richardson
24. Edith Friesen
25. Gordon Stone
26. Bono*
27. Sally Clarkson*
28. John Piper *
29. Larry Crabb*
30. Amy Carmichael*
31. Martin Luther King, Jr.*

Thank you, I am blessed!

I’d like to hear from some of you! Cheryl, Kelly, Katrina…you’re it!

Hikes of Life

On our day-off Monday, we hiked as a family to a new-to-us waterfall near Kara.  Some of our teammates had been to this waterfall recently and tried to give us good directions.  Although, given the fact that there are no sign posts or clearly marked paths we got a little lost along the way.   Attempting to find the right path again, we walked along the stream that we knew eventually would become the sought after waterfall.  The boys were hot and begged to please stop and just swim in a little pool.  As tempting as the cool water looked it was not the place we had set out to discover.  The Spirit prompted me to talk to the boys about how our little hike was turning into a parallel of our spiritual journey.  Sometimes, we lose our way and are tempted to stay at a place that looks nice (complacency/sin), even though it is so much less wonderful than our ultimate goal(heaven/intimate relationship with God).  We needed to press on and keep in mind how great the big waterfall would be once we arrived!  Indeed the hard hike through overgrown millet fields and down into the steep ravine was worth it and I have the pictures to prove it.

Let’s Talk About…

Sex as a topic is often mishandled. It’s avoided all together or talked about in a coded language. Or it’s joked about in silly and raunchy ways. Or it’s reduced to mere biology. Not too many of us can talk about sex in a God honoring fashion.

I passionately believe that we need to learn to talk about sex with our children, spouses, communities of faith and non-Christians in ways that edify each other and glorify God. We need to learn how to convey what sexual health means to God and how to avoid powerful sexual temptations.

A particularly compelling reason to start talking is the explosion of sexual addictions including pornography, serial extra-marital affairs and excessive masturbation which are running amok in our friends’ lives. I can testify that many friends and family members of mine have fallen victim to these ruthless sins. As a result, I’ve educated myself on these topics and overcome my own embarrassment at discussing sex with my young sons (at age appropriate levels) and with almost anyone who crosses my path.

One scripture that motivates me to talk about sex openly is John 3:20.

“For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his deeds have been carried out in God.”

I love the imagery of coming into the light of God! He is the place that exposes our sins and heals us from our wounds.

Another one is Luke 4:18b.

“He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.”

Those of our loved ones that are held captive by sexual sins need to understand more deeply the freedom that Christ offers and how to live in his fullness.

This is an area of our lives where we do not need stay silent. (Too many other people are vying for our attentions and they have plenty to say in images and words.) In the family, I want my husband and I to be the ones who primarily shape our children’s understanding of God’s plan for sexual health. In the church, we need to talk openly about these issues and offer hope and help to the hurting. With our spouses, we need to have the compassion and insight to understand where the other is coming from sexually. There’s a lot to discuss about sex!! We need to seek wisdom from the scriptures and other godly resources, pray diligently and start talking!!

In Living Color

Art, music, prose, and scripture all combined together to give a whole new meaning to the unique relationship between Mary and her son, Jesus.

At the AAMC in July, Rolando Diaz and Scott Sager worked together to impact their audience in a way that used all of the senses.  The room was dark, music played softly from a CD and I watched a talented artist bring the suffering Christ, a young Mary and her babe in arms to life.  It was unlike anything I’ve experienced before!  As Ro painted on a large canvas, Scott commentated on and read scriptures from the Bible that highlighted Mary’s experience as mother to Jesus and later as his follower.  I had never given much thought before to the internal struggles Mary must have gone through to accept her son, Jesus, as her Savior.  As I sat in the dark room with all of my senses engaged the relationship between this mother and son came to life in full color.

My mediocre photography skills do not do this painting justice…for that I apologize.  The finished product was breathtaking!!!!

I Have a Dream…

As I washed the dishes last night, I listened to Martin Luther King, Jr.’s famous speech that he gave in Washington D.C. in 1963. I’ve heard snippets of it before, but it was good to listen to the whole thing! My initial reaction was one of disgust that the American government allowed segregation and injustices against black people. My heart was moved by the passion in King’s voice when he talks about his four little children and the opportunities he hopes for them. I was impressed by the way he wove Jesus’ teachings of non-violence and love into his speech while at the same time encouraging his audience to stand firm against racism.

As a nation we have made much progress in our laws to give all races equal standing. But, dare I say that our attitudes and actions in daily life are different? When Bryan and I were first married, we lived in Memphis and attended Holmes Road Church of Christ.  Holmes Road was a unique congregation due to the fact that the number of white and black members were nearly equal.  This group of believers has a rich history of living out Christ in daily life.  However, outside of this small circle the racial tension in Memphis was palpable.  I could share many stories of racism on both sides of the issue.

Racism isn’t just a southern United States thing though, is it?  We don’t have to think back too far to find a few radical examples…Rwanda 1994, Germany 1945, Sierra Leon 1998.   These are just top of my head examples,  I realize there are many more throughout  history.  Aside from these mass murders, there are billions of daily acts against people due to their ethnicity.  All continents have this problem, all countries, all people….even me, even you.

It’s a sin problem.  We all face the temptation to think of ourselves better than someone else; to amplify what we view as a weakness in others into a reason to hate.  It happens on all levels, doesn’t it?  I agree with Jesus’ solution….”‘Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” I need to be reminded again and again.