Reflections on Togo, Part 6

2003- The most life changing thing that happened to our family during 2003 didn’t happen in Togo, but in America. My parents and Bryan’s parents divorced after many married years. (It was odd that these divorces happened back to back. Satan was a work on many levels!) It was difficult, to say the least, to figure out how to relate to our parents after these events. It was also heart wrenching to be away from our siblings and mothers during this time. Our phone bills were off the charts expensive!

We went on furlough in the Spring. It was your typical furlough…travel, snippets of time with friends and family that you really want to be with longer, lots of restaurant food, travel, shopping, reporting on work in Togo and then some more traveling.

We returned to Togo just three days before the Harding interns arrived for the summer! While we were on furlough our teammates (bless their souls) moved our stuff over to a new house! So, I had only a few days to arrange the new place before guests arrived. Oh, and I was pregnant with my third child! I had no energy. So, my mood wasn’t the most pleasant that summer.

In the fall, the family and I drove to Lome (about 5 hours South) for a prenatal appointment every month. I could go into great detail about my experience with maternity care in Togo, but that’s for another time. Let’s just say for this post that I was way out of my comfort zone. (I have teammates and colleagues that have given birth here and all I can say is, “Wow! You are amazing!!!) The decision was made to return to the States for the birth of our sweet little girl. Yep, you read that correctly. We were told that we were having a girl!

2003/2004 -We lived with my grandmother in San Diego awaiting the arrival of baby for two months. Our little girl turned out to be a sweet little boy…James Owen, born January 12! We stayed in SD another month and then returned to Togo as a family of five plus one servant-hearted mother-in-law.  She stayed for two weeks to help us adjust.

To be continued….

Reflections on Togo, Part 5

The Internet is working and I’m awake before the rest of the house….

2002 - I guess you could say that this is the beginning of “normal” life in Togo for our family. Bryan continued language/culture learning by spending his mornings with Camiye, his language helper, and afternoons in the local villages practicing what he learned. I studied French with Essowe a couple of hours a week.  But mosly, I stayed busy doing the regular mom stuff with the twists and turns of living in Africa.

In February we had our first visitors from our sponsoring church in Dallas - Michael and Murray Sanderson!

A group of Harding interns arrived for the summer. That first group of interns was a definite learning experience. It was great to be around college students and see Togo freshly through their eyes.

My Dad visited in November! (Can you tell that visitors are a big deal to me? They bring encouragement, news from home, goodies and lots of laughter! I think they get some things in return too.)

It was during this year that I became convicted that I needed to take my relationship with Jesus more seriously than ever before. In the past I had considered myself a “strong Christian” and loved going to church, but having my cultural props stripped away I saw the truth. I was a spiritual sloth. I enjoyed being fed by others without doing any real searching, learning or listening for myself. My heart had become buried in layers of others’ expectations and my own victim mentality. It was time to break free!!!!!

More later…

Reflections on Togo, Part 4

Summer 2001 - After the San Diego doctor’s appointment, I called Bryan who was still in Togo and told him the news. We both felt that we needed to move back to the States and started to think along those lines. When we communicated this with our missions committee they suggested that we come to Dallas for some other medical opinions before we made our final decision. At first, I was not pleased with this idea. I didn’t want to prolong an already difficult decision. In hindsight, it was some of the best advice we have ever been given. Bryan flew from Togo to the US and we headed to Dallas to settle in for what turned out to be five months! Our Dallas church family was an amazing support to us during that time. They helped us find housing, transportation and doctors.

We ended up seeing two pediatric neurologists. They were as different as night and day! The first one didn’t even think Graham was having seizures. He thought they were muscle spasms. He also refused to give any attention to the medical records we had brought with us from Togo. The second doctor ordered an MRI and was very thorough as he discussed Graham’s condition and how we could continue to live in Togo. He told us about a strong sedative that could be given in the event that Graham had a prolonged seizure. The medication would give us the time needed to evacuate him in case of emergency. However, even with the “medical solution” laid out for us we had a very difficult time making the decision of whether or not to return to Togo. I distinctly remember not feeling strongly one way or the other, but hating being in the uncertainty zone.

Through much prayer, tears and conversations with mentors and teammates we decided to head back to Togo. I remember having two conflicting thoughts running through my mind about our choice. 1. I have only one life to give to my Jesus and I want to live in a faithful way that glorifies him. If that means living in Togo then that’s what we should do. 2. I can’t go back and live in that box! As I mentioned in another reflections post, I was deep into “the worst time of my life thus far”. Our home in Togo was situated on a compound with very high walls and a little yard. It felt like an actual box to me. A gray concrete box that I rarely left and when I did I absolutely hated it. Yes, this was culture shock talking, but I also had unresolved issues from my past (and current) that I needed to deal with. I talked extensively and openly with God and a psychiatrist reluctantly and got myself started down the right path.

Fall 2001 - Back in Togo life was very different than before we left. Instead of Bryan and I both learning language only Bryan did. The rationale was that he needed to make up for those 5 months that we were stateside. We both wanted him to “catch up” with the our teammates in language acquisition so they would all be ready near the same time to evangelize. I was settling us back into our home, establishing routines and taking care of the boys. I felt good on most days about us living in Togo again.

Our first US visitors were Bryan’s parents, Ron and Lesa Ries.  They came for Christmas and made it a much happier holiday time for us than the year before! Things were looking up!

Lessons learned (or I began to learn) during this time….God loves my children even more than I do and that he wants what is best for them and his kingdom….to let go of fear.

More later….

Reflections on Togo, Part 3

Fall 2000 - Graham continued have small seizures daily. We made an appointment with Dr. Bruce in Lome. He’s a French trained Togolese doctor. He referred us to a local neurologist to have an EEG. Her office was filthy and out-dated and she told us that our entire family had big heads! She hooked Graham up to an EEG machine from the 1950s which was an ordeal in itself because he kept trying to pull off the wires. According to the results, his brain was seizing almost constantly. Dr. Bruce then ordered a CT scan at a local hospital. The cultural differences between Togo medical care and US medical care became painfully obvious. I had not lived in Togo long enough to have sufficiently acquired the language so I was very confused. I had to rely on Bryan to translate everything for me. This put a lot of stress on our family to say the least.

The results of the CT scan showed no abnormalities. Dr. Bruce prescribed Graham an anti-seizure medication that needed to be given twice daily at the same times. Thankfully, the seizures stopped.

We spent our first Christmas away from our families. I remember this first holiday as very depressing and hollow.  I just wanted to go home.

2001 -  We were still settling into African life.  Bryan was busy learning the Kabiye language and I was busy keeping up with two young boys. Bryan and I were still concerned about Graham’s epilepsy and after consulting our stateside pediatrician we decided to take Graham to the states for an evaluation.  Bryan stayed back in Togo and I traveled to the US with Isaac (2) and Graham (1).  My step-mother set up an appointment with a respected pediatric neurologist at Children’s Hospital in San Diego.  He ordered another EEG, however Graham was still taking his medication.  So, the results showed no seizures.  After the test we met with the doctor.  He said that he didn’t know the cause for the seizures, but that we should move within Togo to be closer to emergency medical care.  Well, there was no place in Togo that could offer the care that G would need in an emergency.  Plus, that would mean moving away from our team and the work among the Kabiye.  I left that appointment feeling sure that our dream of living in Togo as missionaries was essentially over before it had really begun.

More later…

Reflections on Togo, Part 2

1998- This year brings lots of big changes to our family. Some of the highlights include: we apply to Preston Road Church of Christ in hopes that we will be hired on as missionaries. They have an enormous application! This is the first step in a long and rewarding relationship with this body of believers. After a face to face interview in Dallas we are hired!

I quit teaching at the end of the ‘97/’98 school year in order to stay home with my new baby. John Isaac finally makes his arrival in July! This is a major transition for our family. I never knew how tired I could be until I cared for a newborn! I also go through my first bout of depression after his birth.

My sister, Jenny, gets married two weeks after Isaac is born. She lives in Jackson, TN which is near Memphis. We are able to visit each other often.

1999- Bryan graduates with his M.A. in Missions from HUGSR in May. We move to Dallas, TX to “bond” with our sponsoring church. I feel overwhelmed at the love and support that PRCC lavishes upon us! I think to myself often during these months, “But, we haven’t done anything yet!” Nevertheless, it feels good that church members want to know us and learn about our future work in Togo.

During the summer, I discover that I am (unexpectedly) pregnant again! (I know! You can insert wisecracks here…) This time I literally have a panic attack when the reality sinks in that my time of language learning in France won’t be going according to my plan, ie: actually learning French! Bryan and I are faced with the decision of where to have the baby. Do we stay in the US and go to language school behind our teammates? Or do we go ahead with the schedule and leave for language school in January? We decide to leave in January as originally planned. I attend class for six weeks before Graham Terrell is born. He is born on a beautiful snowy day in March. Oops…I’m starting the next year!

2000- We left the States on January 10th. I think this date will always stand out in my mind as the day that everything changed. PRCC and our families give us a wonderful, tearful send-off at the airport.

As I mentioned above, we were in Albertville, France attending language school. Looking back, I’d say this is when the “hardest season of my life thus far!!!” began. My parents are having serious marital issues. I feel isolated being so far away from my family during this difficult time. I also feel isolated because I’m unable to learn French like the rest of my team due to having a newborn. Then, there’s all of the other stuff that comes with leaving one’s home culture.

My parents and siblings are able to visit us during our time in France. It is uplifting to visit with them.

In August, we move to Togo!!! This is a surreal experience for me. It’s what we’ve talked and dreamed about for a long time and now we’re living it. It feels very strange. We find a home and begin to unpack our many, many boxes.

Around November, Graham has a seizure while I’m chatting on the phone with a friend. I hang up immediately and rush to his side. By the time I reach him he’s stopped seizing and smiles up at me. This is the start of a long, confusing and stressful process of trying to figure out what’s going on with our sweet baby.

More later….

Reflections on Togo, Part 1

I’ve started a new series! Or more accurately a spin-off of the Long Good-bye series. In TV land spin-offs usually don’t do as well as the original. I hope in blog land it’s different. (At least I’m not making any money off this thing!)

So, why am I reflecting on this season in my life? Because the books told me to do it. I’ve been reading about reentry and the authors unanimously suggest reflecting on your mission field experience before you leave the field. (Like I don’t have enough to do already!?) I’ve bought into the idea obviously because I want the end result- a nicely finished chapter entitled “Togo Missions” and a new chapter entitled “?”- umm, it’s actually untitled at this point. Anyway, these experts stress the importance of reflecting on the highs and lows. May God be glorified in all that he’s carried me through!

I’ve decided to break it down into sections by years. Let’s go way back….

Fall 1995/Spring 1996 - Bryan and I are engaged and meeting with other missions minded couples at Harding University in hopes of forming a team to go somewhere in Africa. This is an exciting and idealistic time in my life. I have the desire to do something “BIG” for God with the guy I’m head over heals in love with. Emotions can’t get any headier than that. Oh, and I graduate with a B.A. in Elementary Education.

Summer/Fall 1996 - Immediately following graduation, I head off to Uganda to follow in Bryan’s footsteps by experiencing my own missionary internship. I am shaken to the core and humbled by the extreme poverty contrasted with immense joy in the local Christians. Through this month long internship I am constantly wondering if I have what it takes to be a real missionary. (This of course causes me great stress!) However, I now “get” why he wants to be a missionary.

Bryan and I are married on August 2nd! We tie the knot in San Diego but move to Memphis, TN right away. Bryan begins to work toward his M.A. in Missions at HUGSR and I’m a 3rd grade teacher. We attend the Holmes Road Church of Christ and Bryan serves as their part-time youth minister.

1997- Life continues as above…school, teaching, ministry. Now, add into the mix team formation as other team couples begin to move to Memphis. We are four families at this point: Matt & Andrea Miller, David & Becky Reeves, Mark & Nicole Kennell and us. Mentors such as Monte Cox, Gordon Hogan, Evertt Huffard, Mark Berryman and Tom Moore guide us through personality tests and other spiritual formation exercises. This is probably the first season in which I start thinking that this whole team thing is going to be really hard!

Summer takes me back to Africa this time West Africa. Bryan stays back in the States due to job responsibilities. I travel with the rest of the team to Togo and Burkina Faso to survey possible places to live and work. This separation from Bryan was especially difficult. I remember lots of tears.

In October we discover that we are pregnant with our first child. It’s not hard to describe the emotions I felt: disbelief, surprise, shock, scared…really scared to be a mom. (Can you tell this was unexpected?) I continue teaching as my belly grows bigger by the day. With this pregnancy I realize that my life plan isn’t going according to my life plan. The plan was to wait until we lived Africa for a least two years and then have children. This is an important object lesson from God- hard at first to accept, but the sweet baby at the end of nine months was a blessing.

Okay, that’s enough reflecting for one post. More to come later.

Listen, if you’ve read this much why not go ahead and leave me a comment? I’d love to hear from you!