Summer 2001 - After the San Diego doctor’s appointment, I called Bryan who was still in Togo and told him the news. We both felt that we needed to move back to the States and started to think along those lines. When we communicated this with our missions committee they suggested that we come to Dallas for some other medical opinions before we made our final decision. At first, I was not pleased with this idea. I didn’t want to prolong an already difficult decision. In hindsight, it was some of the best advice we have ever been given. Bryan flew from Togo to the US and we headed to Dallas to settle in for what turned out to be five months! Our Dallas church family was an amazing support to us during that time. They helped us find housing, transportation and doctors.
We ended up seeing two pediatric neurologists. They were as different as night and day! The first one didn’t even think Graham was having seizures. He thought they were muscle spasms. He also refused to give any attention to the medical records we had brought with us from Togo. The second doctor ordered an MRI and was very thorough as he discussed Graham’s condition and how we could continue to live in Togo. He told us about a strong sedative that could be given in the event that Graham had a prolonged seizure. The medication would give us the time needed to evacuate him in case of emergency. However, even with the “medical solution” laid out for us we had a very difficult time making the decision of whether or not to return to Togo. I distinctly remember not feeling strongly one way or the other, but hating being in the uncertainty zone.
Through much prayer, tears and conversations with mentors and teammates we decided to head back to Togo. I remember having two conflicting thoughts running through my mind about our choice. 1. I have only one life to give to my Jesus and I want to live in a faithful way that glorifies him. If that means living in Togo then that’s what we should do. 2. I can’t go back and live in that box! As I mentioned in another reflections post, I was deep into “the worst time of my life thus far”. Our home in Togo was situated on a compound with very high walls and a little yard. It felt like an actual box to me. A gray concrete box that I rarely left and when I did I absolutely hated it. Yes, this was culture shock talking, but I also had unresolved issues from my past (and current) that I needed to deal with. I talked extensively and openly with God and a psychiatrist reluctantly and got myself started down the right path.
Fall 2001 - Back in Togo life was very different than before we left. Instead of Bryan and I both learning language only Bryan did. The rationale was that he needed to make up for those 5 months that we were stateside. We both wanted him to “catch up” with the our teammates in language acquisition so they would all be ready near the same time to evangelize. I was settling us back into our home, establishing routines and taking care of the boys. I felt good on most days about us living in Togo again.
Our first US visitors were Bryan’s parents, Ron and Lesa Ries. They came for Christmas and made it a much happier holiday time for us than the year before! Things were looking up!
Lessons learned (or I began to learn) during this time….God loves my children even more than I do and that he wants what is best for them and his kingdom….to let go of fear.
More later….
I remember this time — of course, not so intimately, and there are many details that I didn’t know. I can tell that this time in your life is very close to your heart because you chose to share about it in such detail. Now, being a mom, I can understand better (although I haven’t been in the situation) how scary it would be to be faced with those decisions about whether or not to stay Stateside because of a child’s health. Thank you for sharing about this dark and difficult time.